NEWS AND OTHER ITEMS OF NOTE:

In an extraordinary turn of events, the year 2006
seems to have gone missing. As a result, websites all
over the world wide web are lacking 360 days worth of
exciting information. If any one has any knowledge
that could lead to the recovery of 2006 please contact
Broda F. Persimmon at the National Center for the
Disappearance of Space and Time.

In recent news, world renowned music aficionado Jacob
Harris has signed on to help Tim Fite manage his
affairs. When asked about this new partnership Tim
Fite replied, "Wanda, Janice, Pearl, Bernice, and I
are all very pleased with this development."

On Feb. 20th 2007 Tim Fite will release "Over the
Counter Culture" right here on this fine website. On
that day, you will be invited to download the entire
record . . . for free.

The official commercial release of Tim Fite's album "Gone Ain't Gone" is slated for September 13, 2005. Anyone interested in owning this recording will be able to purchase it at the store.

Three days ago in Wahoba, Michigan a tree fell across Old Lake Road, downing two power lines on it's way and crushing the roof of Gene Lahanski's powder blue panel truck. Old Lake Road was closed tuesday as a result, sending all traffic down Watershed Lane. When we asked Gene how it all happened, he said, "I'd been eyeballin' that spruce for some time now; planning on downin' her myself next week. I guess she got to sensing that, and just plum gave up on standin'. These trees are pretty sensitive."

This Fall (2005) Tim Fite will be playing a number of shows in a number of cities in the US and abroad, opening for such fine musical acts as The New Pornographers, The Pernice Brothers, Buck 65, The Constantines, Gang Plank, and The Ashamed, to name a few. To find out where and when Tim will be playing, click here.

An excerpt from "The Art of Underpainting"
By John Paul VonHubricht (Underpainter to Bjorn VanTarten the Elder)
Taken from VonHubricht's personal journal 1732
Translation by Chloe Gunther

The lead is the most important part. Without lead, the base paint is not heavy enough. You would not build a house on a foundation of feathers. The same is true for a painting. There must be weight on the bottom to support the layers of paint all the way up to the most delicate details. There is a hierarchy to paint as there is to all things. Some one must do the hard work while others dance a waltz. This someone is the lead.

On March 4, 2005, Tim Fite will complete recording a blues record. Once he prints the packages, and reproduces the compact disks, "Two Minute Blues" will be available in limited numbers for limited consumption. Limitation seems to be the key word surrounding this record, seeing as, when all tallied, the average song length rounds out at 2 minutes even. When asked why, Tim Fite replied, "It's because somewhere around the two minute mark most people start to repeat themselves. I hate people who repeat themselves, especially when they repeat themselves." Listen to some of the songs on this web site in the "songs" section found on the home-page.

On February 23, 2005, Tim Fite signed a contract with ANTI records. Disregarding that when you dissect the word contract, it can be read as, "con. . .tract," Tim is confident in the genuinely benevolent intentions of the ANTI company, and looks forward to a mutually beneficial partnership. When asked about the recent signing, Tim said, "I needed a sword."

An excerpt from "My Crime is Your Crime"
By Gabriel K. Longhandle (prisoner 2468D Pelican Bay Correctional Facility)
Published in 1995 by Golden Rule Press

What comes first, the prison or the prisoner, the prisoner or the criminal, the criminal or the crime, the crime or the law? It is a widespread under-standing that the human capacity for wrongdoing is the predeceasor to all things leading up to the present day Criminal Justice System; if it weren't for crime, there would have been no need to create a system to monitor, control, and punish criminals; there would be no need for laws, no need for police, no need for lawyers, no need for judges, no need for the paddy wagon, no need for cavity searches, no need for locking me up and my brothers behind the bars. This all seems all very straightforward to most free people: no crime . . . no problem. The problem is, however, the crime did not come first.

In order for to commit a crime, there first must be a definition of what crime is. This definition is what we know of as the law. THE LAW WAS FIRST. It was the first law that made the first crime. Therefore, we must look deeper, and know the origins of these laws in order to truly understand the origins of our crimes.

On February 12, 2005, Tobias Ringworm was arraigned on four counts of public lewdness. Represented by the notorious litigator Romaine Bloom, Mr. Ringworm pleaded not-guilty to all charges. The trial is set for March twenty-first. Jury selection begins Friday.

An excerpt from "Dinamicos del Frocconaliste Sunde"
By Julio Buanvinosa
Published, 1974 Journalaste del Midicios Internales
Translated by Poloma Whitehead from the italian translation by Rodrico de Castillanos.

Claro que luanga. Nestampo le delstrap no cantarlo venuvia de escoola. Una de las restas de cuales gambilanas jangan a paran bastio timonas a costa. Es la revolva de questiones regarda laste fon pasta de lengua. Jeste, jeste, jeste. Diste este diferencia entre gondola y gandola. Ringo canto a la mosta bon bon, pero llamma gon restro uccal gomvino a ronvina. Y este gomvino retriculouna con la rovina tambiene. Jaanue eyan wan conlasta bastio revolva. Delstrap o non-delstrap, consequencias del resclamacion estan principios del ritmo. Es un traje de huesta mojales, o una clama damanto de justio restros. A mi, cuccio londa con facacciones o infraciones del justio. Bonda esto, ye recuerde gustras te Marx, pero nada de Pele. Manistarte hellandirlo quando gon y din, la fondacion de vincento emlicar la venuvia de escoola. Por ejemplo, Jangan compla una gutiera para diezo polares, pero Kallata compla una gutiera para treceta. Quien, compla masto para la gutiera. La ansera depende de dosa qualificacions. Uno, jantonaste cumbio la combinacion de genderno ye financil. Dosa pistoles para pestoles. En consideracion de estosas, Kallata es la muerta en relacion a dinamicos del frocconaliste sunde, pero en una systema nueva Jangan recibio cancersas para la disperacion en sunde jeste. Claro que luanga.

On January 30, 2005, three children were found hiding in the back of a tractor-trailer at a weigh-station in Dansing, Ohio. The children were similar to most stowaways in all respects, save for the fact that all three were completely blind.

An excerpt from "The Myth of Intellectual Property."
By Robert Mayfair Thompson
Unpublished

I think what they really need to do is round up all the intellectuals and have an auction. Just put them up on the block and sell them. That would be a much more honest way of going about it all. "Up next we have Professor Soggybottom, author of seven novels, including the Pulitzer Prize winning 'Shit-house Luncheon.' Do I hear three hundred? Three hundred down front. Three-seventy to the lady in blue. Three seventy, three seventy, FOUR to the gentleman with no arms. The bidding stands at four hundred; can I get four fifty? Five hundred in the back. Did I mention he comes with a full set of teeth. SIX-TEN to the sour looking woman in the orange gingham frock. Six-ten-Six-ten-Six-ten-Six-ten-Six-Seven Hundred Sixty!!! Seven sixty do I hear eight? Seven sixty once. . . . . seven sixty twice. . . . . Sold!!!!!! For seven hundred sixty thousand dollars to the evil white man with the most money."

On December 14, 2005, Tim Fite was braiding his donkey's tail when the pin fell out. A local reporter standing nearby heard Mr.. Fite exclaim, "By Jove, what have I done!"